Thoughts on Growing Up Homeschooled
“You were home-schooled? But how did you turn out so… normal?”
That’s almost always the reaction I get when I mention my pre-college education. That along with one or more of the following assumptions:
You are Mormon or Catholic
You have a big family
You had long hair and long skirts
You were bullied or struggle socializing
Your education is incomplete
You were sheltered from the world
You had limited access to technology
You don’t know pop culture references
You play an instrument
You have trouble fitting in
The term “home-school” is actually a very broad one used as an umbrella for many alternative education models. And I get the questions and the stereotypes... it can be strange and confusing to understand from the outside looking in. One of the best things to come from the year of quarantine is that home-schooling is being approached, discussed, and normalized more than it ever was before.
Since everyone’s experience is different, I will only speak from mine. I had a hot-and-cold relationship with my pre-college education and I want share what I loved about the process and what I struggled with most about being home-schooled.
Why I was home-schooled
The decision to home-school looks different for every family. Home-schooling can happen during different seasons and phases in someone’s life for a huge variety of reasons including, but not limited to, bullying, athletic training, religion, moving, mental health, and learning disabilities. For me, I was home-schooled since birth for both religious and practical reasons.
My parents made the decision to home-school based on their experience in the public school system growing up. I can’t fully speak for them, but from what I know, they hesitated sending us to school because of the bullying they witnessed, the peer pressure that goes on, teacher favoritism, the inflexible schedule, and the lack of Christian morals in the curriculum. My dad went to school in San Jose, California and my mom grew up in North Carolina. Both of their negative experiences turned them off to the public school system and pointed them toward either private school or home school for their own family.
Home-schooling was a bit of a growing movement in the 90’s and the flexibility of it really caught their eye (plus some friends and family were hopping on board). With a support system and community behind them, they jumped both feet in as soon as they had my older brother, Robert Carl, and followed suit with me, my two little sisters, and my baby bro. So yes, the “big Christian family” stereotype is definitely true! I grew up singing Veggie Tales and acting out lots of bible stories. I lived in pooh bear overalls, climbed trees, created intricate imaginary worlds, “wrote books,” obsessed over horses, and had tons of time to explore.
My three home-school seasons
I was home-schooled from preschool to high school. Looking back I can break it into three seasons: elementary school (the early years in Virginia), middle school (when we moved to Carson City), and high school (when I attended an online charter school).
Elementary School
I was born July 1995 in San Jose, California and we lived there for four years after I was born. I don’t remember much about that house, just small flashes of playing outside, riding my tricycle with my brother, and a German Shepherd roaming around named Cassie. Oh, and I was born naturally at home (but that’s a whole other thing).
My memories really started forming when we moved from San Jose, California to Cumberland, Virginia. We road-tripped the entire way and I’m convinced that seeing so many states and being in a car for hours on end at such a young age helped cement my love for travel and adventure. Our home in Virginia was out in the country which provided so many opportunities to play outside, climb trees, build snow forts, and swing on rope swings.
We lived in Cumberland for four years (until I was eight). My parents had a group of friends who also home-schooled their kids, so I never doubted or questioned our lifestyle one bit. My best friend, Gloria, was home-schooled just like me and so were all my cousins. We lived in a big house and had an upstairs loft that was the “school room.” I remember my mom giving me reading lessons and I would cry because I wasn’t learning it fast enough. Eventually, though, I started to love reading and writing and I would “author” tons of my own books which I stapled together and collected. I played a computer game called Clue Finders to learn math, watched a bear named Muzzy teach us Spanish, and played My Little Pony between lessons.
Middle School
I never thought about home-schooling until we moved across the country for the second time. We moved from middle-of-nowhere Cumberland, Virginia to a very conventional neighborhood in Carson City, Nevada. Moving to that neighborhood is when I first realized I wasn’t like the other kids. Our next door neighbors were “school kids” and I watched tons of school buses do their rounds for the first time.
That’s when I first asked about going to school and saw that my family was different. My mom was quick to get us dialed in to the home-school community in the area so that we were always socialized. We did a home-school Co-Op on Mondays, I went to youth group on Tuesdays, and we went to Community Bible Study (CBS) on Thursdays. All of us siblings started picking hobbies and I opted for gymnastics and piano lessons.
Even though I had friends and a full schedule, I still felt like something was missing. Seeing my school friends go off to middle school seemed so exciting. I loved the back-to-school season and seeing them go to dances and get boyfriends looked so fun. I thought it was just like the Disney Channel shows I watched and if Miley Cyrus could do it and be a pop singer, so could I! Mostly, I really craved validation and I wanted to receive grades for my school work. That might sound strange to most people, but as someone who had a very free-flowing education, I craved the structure.
High School
Going into 9th grade, I begged my mom to go to school. She could see my deep desire to go and after researching other options for a while, she came up with a compromise: online charter school. It was called Nevada Connection Academy. No, I wasn’t sitting in a classroom with my friends, but I finally got what I craved in the sense that I could start a new school year with them, I had teachers who would grade me and give me assignments, I was part of a mini community, I had an academic advisor, and I even received grades for my work! It was fun for me and very encouraging that I would earn a diploma and a transcript when I graduated.
Given the new structure I performed well and chased after that “A” grade. Because of that excitement for school, I was actually named Valedictorian of my online high school for Class of 2013. The first public speech I ever gave was my Valedictorian address at my in-person graduation ceremony in Reno, Nevada.
That online school was a massive gift because it gave me the grades and experience I needed to apply to college and keep a job my senior year. Between taking dance classes, going to church activities, volunteering, studying, and keeping a job at Payless, I definitely wasn’t bored. I took my SAT at the local high school and I applied to five universities my senior year. Eventually I committed to Westmont College in Santa Barbara, California and I went on to get a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies and English, Writing. My home-school education never held me back, if anything it encouraged me to take responsibility for my goals and work crazy hard to achieve them.
The “sheltered” question
For the most part, I think home-schooling and sheltering goes hand-in-hand. Protecting children from the worst parts of the world is a huge draw for parents to make the decision in the first place. But yes, I was definitely sheltered from certain things.
I learned what Halloween was when I was nine years old (mostly because we lived out in the country and no one went trick-or-treating out there)
Whenever I went to a sleepover and the girls had a “dance party,” everyone laughed at my disco dance moves
I never had the official “birds and bees” talk (but my parents were open if I asked questions)
I thought high school was just like That’s So Raven and Hannah Montana
I figured that my first boyfriend would be my Mr. Right because I got my hands on the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was 13
I thought marijuana was no different from other hard drugs
I had very little knowledge about sex and that propelled me into a toxic and abusive first relationship
I had a very romantic view of the world and I wasn’t braced for the ugly realities of it. I didn’t have a natural curiosity to google search slang I heard or watch haunted movies or imagine what goes on in the dark corners of the world. Because of the lack of exposure and curiosity, I was sheltered.
I think a very important thing to keep in mind for any parent, guardian, or care-giver is that ignorance does not equate to wisdom, it just makes for a curious mind. If your child doesn’t hear it from you, it doesn’t mean they will never be exposed to it. Friends, mean girls, abusive boyfriends, movies, strangers… the way that information is delivered is going to be random, harsh, and sometimes even cruel. Avoiding hard and awkward topics only makes those things more difficult down the line.
What I took away from it
Even though I was felt sheltered and left out from time-to-time, I wouldn’t go back and change my education. I turned out the way I did because of the experiences I had, Veggie Tales and all. Because I was home-schooled I was able to
Grow in my faith
Bond with my brothers and sisters
Play outside and explore
Take vacations in the middle of spring
Work at my own learning pace
Learn how to socialize with all age groups
Explore topics like personality types with freedom
Sign up for crazy dance classes without stress
Become self-motivated
Develop a strong personal work ethic
Remain very open-minded
I am grateful for how I was educated because it gave me independence and character. Yes, there are some experiences I’ll never have like going to prom, opening a locker, and taking school photos, but I’m proud of my story and I own it.
Home-schooling my (future) kids (?)
I actually don’t know the answer to this question.
Because of quarantine right now school looks different for everyone. Online school is becoming the norm (if only 15 year old me could see the day)! But before all of this broke out, I have always considered a flexible approach for my own kids. That could mean private school, online school, or home school — I’m not set on any one system. I do want my kids to have the option of participating in the things I missed out on like going to class with their peers, attending school dances, and playing school sports if they want to. Now-a-days that all looks different, so whatever the new normal ends up being when I eventually have little ones, I know I’ll help them navigate the ups and downs of it.
One thing I do want to pass on to them is a sense of personal accountability and self-motivation. I think it’s sad to see so many young people struggle in this department when it comes to schoolwork or chores or even getting out of bed. That’s one huge benefit I took away from home-schooling. I quickly learned that if I wanted something great to happen in my own life then I would need to take action to make it happen.
At the end of the day I think every parent just wants to do right by their kids. My parents chose to home-school me and its given me such a unique perspective on life as a result. Wherever I’m at in life when it comes to making that choice myself, I plan to keep an open mind and give my kids all the good experiences I can.
As a final word of encouragement to all the home-schooled adults from the 90’s: no, you’re not normal.
And to all those home-schooling parents out there: keep teaching, loving, and protecting those little nuggets!
Wherever you’re at in life and however you’re educated, my hope it is that you’ll use your energy to pursue honest conversations, an open mind, and discerning heart around the topic of education. No childhood is perfect, but with good intentions and a flexible approach, perfect memories can absolutely come from it.
